Tomorrow will be the one year anniversary of the creation of this blog. It was originally created to share the progress of Cathy's recovery with friends and family. I can honestly say that, at that time, I thought she would fully recover, and we'd have the old Cathy back.
What a difference a year makes. Or a month. Or a day. Life goes by fast. Death comes quickly.
Cathy had her major surgery around this time about a year ago. It was a scary time, and I realize now that we never really knew how scary the results actually were. She did not want people to know the specific details of her "recovery", as she did not want people to worry.
We were only allowed to reveal so much on this blog. If you look back at the posts, there is always a cautious optimism in the tone. I think we were willing ourselves to think positively, that everything would be OK.
But life marches on, with no pause for those it's left behind. We've all gone more or less back to our daily routines. But it is never easy. I'll find myself staring into the mirror in the morning asking, "WTF - did this really happen?"
It's interesting to me that this blog still gets traffic. Quite a few visitors a week, actually. So I will keep it going, as it obviously serves some kind of purpose, if only for the selfish reason that it helps keep me sane.
I've put back smiling Cathy, as that's how we ultimately remember her. And I've updated the look from it's funereal theme of the past few months. Grief will come and go, but our happy memories, the recall of her laughter, will always be there.
Thanks for hearing me out, whoever is out there.
9 comments:
Dear Scott,
Thank you for keeping this site going. I check in too, partly because it is hard to believe she is really gone. I know a lot of us wish we could have seen her before she left-but like you say, who really knew she was leaving.
However, she has not really left on many levels. Her art, our photos, her spirit really does exist in each of us.
I have seen Cathy in many dreams. The first time she appeared in my dream I was amazed, I don't often even remember my dreams. She was frail and a few of us were walking in the woods. I took her arm to help her along the path. I awoke realizing how much I wished I could have helped or at least comforted her. As my dreams of her continued she has became increasingly healthier and more present to me. She hasn't spoken back to me but she has made eye contact and really listened to me. I have actually been able to tell her how much I love her and miss her in the dreams. The last dream I had she was beyond radiant and I was beaming at her. She was gorgeous inside and out. It is strange as we all know that she has not spoken to me in the dreams as she was very verbal/audible with her thoughts, so I will let you all know when and if she comes to me with the volume turned up. Love to all, Jane
Scott,
Thank you so much for keeping this blog up. I stop by about once a week and it is reassuring to read.
Thank you - Fran (Cathy's cousin)
Today is January 5 2011. I came across the last email from Catherine, thanking us for the 12days of Christmass thoughts dated January 3, 2010.
I cannot deleted this email.
I had to come to her blog to feel some peace about it.
Love you always.
Thank you Scott
Carole Labelle
It's three days until the Academy Awards and, out of habit, I check my e-mail in-box for Catherine's Oscar predictions. Perhaps some of you are, instinctively, visiting her blog for them yourself. The event's broadcast partners will be hard pressed to fill the void of her annual hype! Maybe we can have a discussion here of films and performances she would have cheered and jeered.
Constant contact.
friday March 4, 2011
Hi Scott, Hillary, Barb and other Friends of Cathy:
Just wanted to let you know that while on contract with the Minstry of Tourism and Culture for the past 6 moths I've had a chance to say hi to some former Cathy collegues on the culture side. Yesterday, the Ministry held an employee recognition awards ceremony "Applause Awards" at Arcardian Court. The program included acknowleding staff who had retired over the past year, and, as a bit of a tear inducing surprise to me, a brief commemoration of Cathy's contribution to Ontario's cultural community, the Ministry and her untimely passing last year. They showed a few photos of her in healthier days and her mischevious grin shone through. Again, she may be gone but is certainly not forgotten. Regards,
Marce
Happy birthday memories to all Catherine's family and friends who are, no doubt, celebrating her life today. It's a testament to Cathy's personality that so many of us, still, are impacted by her work, her passions and her playfulness. Today I am longing for handstands in the office, catching (in her mouth!) almonds tossed high into the air, and Mama's homemade cookies. We were lucky to have Catherine in our lives. [Reminder: six months until her 47-1/2 birthday.]
This is the 'Happy' Birthday of our beloved Cathy.
Bill (Cathy's coworker) said it so well [see previous post]. The positive impact of Cathy is everlasting. It seems very appropriate that we all embrace the 'Happy' of this day. It's a great day to smile a little more than usual and see where it takes you.
Thinking about how time passes so quickly and how in a moment, everything can change - so I stopped by to say hello.
Carla
Hi Scott,
Thanks for maintaining the site and generously sharing your thoughts.
I've kept the site bookmarked for similar reasons others have described. Mainly, I find comfort knowing it's there, positioned between the Chelsea Physic Garden and City of Toronto: The Official Plan. Oddly, the randomness of Internet Explorer did that, not me. Staring at it now, I suddenly realize how appropriate; during a trip to England some years ago, a friend had to coerce me to visit the Physic Garden and hours later to leave.
It's how I sometimes remember Cathy, caught between her passion for files like the Royal Botanical Garden and the capriciousness of the Official Plan we call public service.
Eddy
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